Dear Mother Earth,
On behalf of the rest of humanity, I’m sorry for what we’ve done to you. We’re destructive, greedy, selfish and, well, just plain nasty.
That being said, I hope you haven’t lost hope in us just yet because we are a new generation about to take the reigns, and I think you’ll dig us.
We are Millennials, and we’re very cool — but I’m sure you already knew that by overhearing the not-so-very-well-known music our hipsters listen to. You’re probably also a fan of the recycled bicycles we take to work that don’t pump poison into you.
I guess you could say we’re a lot like hippies, but much more educated and slightly less high.
Anyway, in case you have any doubts about us, I’ve compiled a list of 10 points, outlining exactly why we’re on your side.
There’s now no reason to go all emo and destroy yourself with wicked temper tantrums that we humans call natural disasters and global warming.
1. We care about the environment:
We’re totally over this whole fossil fuel thing, but we just have to wait a little while longer until the previous generation gets the f*ck out of power.
Until then, you’ll see us flooding our social media profiles with our distaste and showing up in impressive numbers for peaceful protests.
2. War is not something we’re into:
The idea of going into battle and killing one another just doesn’t seem all that appealing. It’s kind of fun to do in video games or paintball tournaments, but in real life, it seems f*cking ridiculous.
Not only do we love each other, a great many of us are also pretty averse to any physical confrontations. The idea of working together and using our intellect to reach peaceful and mutually beneficial results is more our style.
In case you didn’t take a hint from this, it means we don’t plan on dropping any bombs because I’m sure that doesn’t feel too good for you.
3. We are a lot more accepting of people:
We have come a long way since we burned witches at the stake. If we found a real-life witch today, we would think it was the coolest thing ever. In fact, we would probably give it a lucrative show in Vegas (if that is what the witch wanted — we wouldn’t force it to do something it didn’t want).
Like previously mentioned, we love people. Our best friends are an eclectic mix of all different races, sexual identities and religions, and that is just the way we like it.
This means we’re more inclined to all work together in unison for your benefit.
4. We’re a lot more informed than our predecessors:
You may have heard of this thing called the Internet, and well, it’s pretty amazing. It has not only connected us all like never before, but it has also provided us with infinite knowledge that we have been able to capitalise on.
That being said, it has become nearly impossible for someone in power to lie about or veil a bullsh*t agenda without the true intent being leaked everywhere.
Furthermore, we’re rapidly learning and more efficiently collaborating on ways to treat you better.
5. We are more connected to the world around us:
Let’s be real: We love meeting people from all over the world and revelling in your beauty with one another (nice work in New Zealand and Thailand, BTW).
We love to travel and want to see everything, so creating any conflict with one another would only burn bridges and get in the way. Plus, we also like to hang out with one another, and war and destruction are the ultimate dividers.
6. We have amazing role models:
People like David Suzuki and Bill Nye are not only incredibly brilliant and totally loveable, but also huge advocates for you. They inspire us regularly to be better to you and to each other.
7. We are more opposed to conformity:
Conformity is lame. We are attracted to the weird and interesting. A lot of us don’t want the typical “work 9 to 5, keep our mouths shut and don’t make any waves until we die” setup.
We don’t want to live the way society or “the man” wants us to live, and this scares him. We want so much more, and this benefits you because it means we will ask questions and challenge corruption.
8. We have high standards:
You probably witnessed when we launched one of our humans towards you from space. Well, a lot of us Millennials said “meh” before clicking the next video on YouTube.
Our high standards will force society to attempt unprecedented heights hoping to raise eyebrows and inadvertently spike our evolutionary progress.
At the rate we’re going, it shouldn’t be long before humanity exists in ways that only enhance your health and sustainability.
On the flip side, our high standards are also probably why we’re all going to be single into our 40s.
9. We have a lot of young and great minds:
A lot of them seem to be focused on saving you because that’s just how we roll. For instance, Boyan Slat is making great strides in the effort to clean your magnificent oceans. And Daniel Burd found a way to decompose plastic bags in as little as three months.
Thanks to places on the Internet like Kickstarter, we can throw money at these ideas and get them off the ground quicker than ever before.
Plus, — no big deal — one of our favourite Millennials, Malala Yousafzai just became the youngest person to win a Nobel Peace Prize.
10. We reject today’s consumerism:
We don’t like buying from evil corporations who pollute the planet and exploit impoverished workers.
Instead, we enjoy environmentally friendly and fair trade goods, even if it means spending a lot more money (of the little we have because a lot of us are hustling in internships and part-time jobs, although we are highly educated — don’t worry, we’ll fix that, too).
So, in conclusion, I hope you let us stick around a lot longer. We love it here. I promise that if you give us more time, we’ll learn to work with you in a more productive way so that everyone wins.
PS: Did I tell you you’re really good-looking?
A Millennial who loves you (and the people and animals that inhabit you)